Depressed mom = failing mom

I’m going to hit a nerve today.

For those of us moms who struggle with depression, one of the biggest thoughts that will run through our minds is this: I am failing as a mom.

I am failing as a mom.

At least, that’s one of the primary thoughts I battle in my depression.

I’m sure that every mom thinks such thoughts from time to time, but for depressed moms, these feelings are frequent, and amplified, and terrifying, and excruciating.

So, I fight.

When I assume I am failing as a mom because of my depression, I work at grabbing hold of those thoughts and putting it them in their place.

If you think you are a failing mom because you are depressed today, here’s five things that may help you a little bit with your thought patterns.

I am not an expert on maternal depression but I am a mother who struggles with it. This list is from my personal experience and isn’t proven fact. But it might help. I share my findings with you because I know there are many moms like me suffering in silence.

1. Remember that depression is an illness.

The Mayo Clinic says that ‘more than just a bout of the blues, depression isn’t a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply “snap out” of. Depression is a chronic illness that usually requires long-term treatment, like diabetes or high blood pressure.’

Yes, you have to work at getting healthy but remember that depression is an illness. It is not your fault you are depressed. (Not sure if what you are feeling is depression? Here are some signs.)

2. Give yourself a small opportunity to be there for your child today.

If your depression hasn’t robbed you completely of energy and ability today, do something with your child. Read him a book, watch a show together, make a favorite snack. He will remember these things. They fill him up. They will be in his love tank on the days you can’t spend quality time with him.

3. Get help.

If you are depressed, you need to get some help. Talk to one person you trust and tell him or her about your struggles. Make an appointment with your doctor. Talk to your pastor. You may need counseling, or medication, both, neither, other, whatever. The point is you are not a failing mom. You just need some help.

4. Make a list.

When you start to feel like you are failing as a mom, pay attention to the trigger. What, exactly did you fail at? And was it truly a failure or has your mind jumped to conclusions? Depressed minds overreact and assume. Try to separate truth from reality. Maybe you did fail. If so, apologize, try to do better. But if you didn’t, or if it isn’t that big of a deal, then let it go. You don’t have that kind of energy to mull over a false thought.

5. Remind yourself of your children’s love.

This is a biggie for me. I have chosen to be open with my kids about my struggles with depression. They know about it, they pray for me, and they still love me. Think of the good times, think of their voices saying, “I love you, Mom.” Trust me, even though they see you struggle, they know you love them. And they love you. And if you are questioning that at all, then pull them to you and remind them of your love. I’m pretty sure they’ll say it back.