Church: This is how to greet my child who is nonverbal
Today I had the pleasure of being a guest on one of the most popular Christian shows on the radio: Midday Connection.
The host Lori Neff and I talked about my story (and my book Sun Shine Down), and about the specific challenges and joys in the lives of families affected by special needs.
We discussed what churches can do to support children with special needs and their parents and siblings, which got me thinking about our youngest daughter, Evangeline.
Evangeline has Down syndrome and autism and is nonverbal. Some of her go to behaviors (rocking, mouthing things, pulling hair, and ignoring people) can be alarming for those who have never met her.
And a lot of times people don’t know how to talk to Evangeline or how to interact with her, so they don’t.
I understand. You don’t want to say or do the wrong thing.
I find this especially in church settings.
So church, this is how to greet my child who is nonverbal:
1. When we walk into the building, please don’t give our family ‘the deer in the headlights’ look because you are unsure what to do. Even if you are unsure, hide it. Instead, welcome us warmly.
2. Welcome ALL of us. Attempt to make eye contact with me, my husband, and my children, even the daughter who will not make eye contact with you. This says, ‘I see you. I’m glad you are here.’
3. Don’t speak louder than normal to Evangeline. She’s not hard of hearing.
4. Don’t assume she doesn’t understand you or what is going on because she does not speak. My daughter picks up way more socially than you would imagine. Also, ask if she is utilizing another form of communication such as sign language or pictures.
5. Ask us if we have been to the church before, and what we think our children would like to do during the service (stay with parents, go to Sunday school, etc.)
6. Follow our lead. If we talk about Evangeline’s special needs, then feel free to ask questions to learn more about the dynamics of our family.
7. Don’t speak slower to Evangeline than the rest of us. Again, she understands.
8. Don’t be offended if our daughter ignores you. She struggles socially and her eye contact is sporadic at best.
9. Also, don’t say hello to her and then ignore her the rest of the time.
10. And don’t solely pay attention to Evangeline and ignore our other children. They all need a little attention. We don’t want Evangeline to be ‘special.’ Just treat her like you would treat any other new child to the church.
11. If we want to try a Sunday school class, take us to meet the teacher, and if there isn’t a program or buddy in place to help her that day, lay out our options for the morning with grace, whatever they may be (she stays with us, someone will come in a shadow her, we may have to stay with her for this week). But make sure we know that if we decide to come back, we can all brainstorm to have a plan.
12. Make it clear that you really are glad we came to church and that you hope the church can (if they don’t already) make certain modifications and alterations that help us all to feel comfortable and ultimately grow closer to Jesus.
Churches don’t have to have a full-blown special needs ministry.
But in this day and age, odds are many families with special needs will walk through your doors. Train your hospitality team how to greet them, and have a basic protocol of what to do to help them feel welcome and comfortable.
Believe me, we’ll be thankful for it.
Resources that can help your church with special needs:
If you’d like to listen to me on Midday Connection, here it is!
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