Wow – I’m glad someone did that search – because I feel like this even though my kids seem relatively ‘normal’ (not all of them – and to differing degrees!), I am always on the verge of falling apart. If mild special needs are such a challenge I can’t imagine the stress/burdens on those whose kids need many more interventions/helps than I deal with.

When my daughter was born, she would cry for 20 hours a day. And she wouldn’t take naps either. While I was still at home, my wife and I could break each other and escape for a while.

When I went back to work, my wife was already under stress. The stress of being a new mother, and the stress of discovering that our child was born with Down syndrome. The difference is that I wasn’t there to give her a break during the day, and we couldn’t rely on what family we had within driving distance. I came home one day to find her lying on the couch, and our daughter crying away in the crib. She had reached the breaking point.

I took some more time off to be there, but we needed to fix the problem before I went back to work. She still had 2 months of maternity/bonding leave, but I was using up what little vacation time I had.

We got help from our medical provider, and worked to get my wife able to cope with the situation. Eventually I got her to stop obsessing about the diagnosis, and we found ways to shorten the crying. It wasn’t easy, but trust me, it does get better.

Now we have a gorgeous little 4 year old who brings us incredible joy. There are still struggles, but in time we have learned to deal with them. Like Gillian said, FIND SOMEBODY! Family, friends, or someone at the store. You need to talk, and there will be someone who will listen. Who it turns out to be might even surprise you.

Thank you for posting this, Gillian. I tend to fall into the category of Moms who doesn’t want the world to know just how hard life with two special needs kids (stimmers) can be. Some days/weeks/months suck! Some days I wake up and feel like I have an elephant on my chest just holding me in bed and making it hard to breathe. It took me a very long time to learn to ask for help. When we first starting working with behavioral therapists in our home I found myself having a hard time walking away and letting them do their job. I felt guilty for needing help and I felt ashamed that I might just need a break. I got over the guilt and shame. I now have no idea how I ever managed to get up and function everyday without extra hands and minds to help us through the day. So… If you can’t take much more of your child with special needs, DON’T FEEL GUILTY! DON’T BE ASHAMED! GET HELP! TAKE A BREAK! You will be a better parent and your child(ren) will benefit in the long run.

THANK YOU! I write this as my youngest some is crying because my oldest just bit him!! AGHHH! I have spoke with you before, my oldest son not only has down syndrome but also Moyamoya and My youngest also has Down syndrome. There are days when I wish I could just sit in my room and cry! It’s horrible. I often feel alone and like no one understands. We can’t go to play groups because my kids cant handle it, we cant go to the mall because my boys will cry if they are in their stroller to long and I cant let them walk…I spend all day every day in my house just trying to make it until 4pm when my husband gets home and allows me to have a break! I hate feeling this way, I want to enjoy my child as I know my time with them is nothing but a breath but most days it is soo difficult! I could use the prayers!!

What a wonderful post! Thank you for writing this. As a special needs mom of two (plus 2 more!!) I have those days that getting through the next hour seems impossible. It takes every single ounce of strength I can find in myself to get through the day. Reaching out and asking for help and giving yourself a break…both physically and emotionally is the most important thing you can do for your children. And praying gets me through the hard days. ((HUGS)) to everyone who has ever struggled. I gave up a long time ago trying to be the perfect mom. And I gave up trying to please those staring eyes at me in public. Thanks again for sharing! Hoping everyone finds someone they can lean on.

I can’t help but to wonder if the person who wrote this is the same one who left a comment on one of the Down syndrome boards on Facebook saying that she was considering giving her child up for adoption. The child was like 7, I think. I was happy to see people hadn’t jumped down her throat, but was sad to see that she had just stopped responding. I’m hoping she found peace again in her situation. I had a few years that were pretty frustrating with my daughter, Gabi. I think it was made worse by the fact that her father was no longer in the picture. If it weren’t for my parents who helped me a ton, I don’t know if I would have made it through. Now, she is much easier to care for. She still has her days, but the good far outweighs the bad. So thankful for my daughter. I’m hoping whoever searches this finds peace in knowing it won’t always be like this.

Just yesterday I was Praying to God and pouring out my heart and asking for Just ONE person that I could talk to that would understand me and not think me to be the WORST mother on earth. And then this morning I find this!! How is that for Answered Prayer! Now I can know that if I’m sitting in the midst of a Dozen eggs on the kitchen floor crying because someone left the lock off the fridge I’m Normal!!

Like so many of these commenters, I feel alone and unable to confide, at the risk of sounding hateful/ungrateful/crazy/unfit, all those things parents of “normal” children are so quick to use as labels. I find myself grasping at the end of my rope, so close to swinging, more often than I’d like to admit. I didn’t ask for this. I wanted the loving, happy family I was deprived of growing up. I feel that God has always punished me and I don’t understand. I don’t understand anything, except that I’m supposed to accept all this with fluidity, unconditional love, and grace. It kills me because I just can’t. I want to, I feel like I’m failing everyone, but I can’t figure it out. Therapy is unaffordable and has always proven useless (did I really just pay you to tell me it isn’t my fault? Because I already knew that…), drugs are also unaffordable and don’t work no matter which ones I try, and how can I turn to God when I’m so angry at what he’s done with me and my children? Maybe if I had family or friends that could relate, maybe if I had more money, maybe if I’d had a mother who didn’t beat the hell out of me ever since I can remember, maybe if I’d just had normal kids or not conceived at all… Maybe I’d be happier, a better person. But it’s too late for that now. It feels like it’s too late for anything to work. We all just keep getting older and more withdrawn, more depressed. At least we all have a keen understanding that there is no such thing as a positive return for nice deeds, honesty, or good intentions, and that the world is a judgemental, unhelpful place in which you may never be your true self. Reality and regret, oh how bitter you both taste, and how I am forced to eat every bite of every meal you serve…

Hey everybody. I’m a 33 year old special needs mom of two kids: one with autism 5 years old and one with Potocki-Lupski syndrome 7 years old. Between my two kids diagnoses I’ve experienced a whole plethora developmental delays. I stay home with our kids and my whole life is dedicated to raising my children. My husband works, heads committees, runs his own golf league and career climbs while I deal with the kids. I feel so alone and desperate for a friend. I used to be a happy, social and viverent person until I became a special needs mom. My husband doesn’t understand how or why I’ve changed into a depressed person. I bear the burdens of dealing with our kids challenges so he can enjoy his life. Everyday I have to talk myself of the ledge. No one would ever know how deep my stuggles run as I am the queen of putting on a good face. I fantasize about killing myself everyday…but I won’t do it. No one can love or care for my kids as well as I do. It wouldn’t be fair to them to lose their Mommy. All in all, I could just really use a friend.

Hi. I have a ten week old boy and was diagnosed at birth with down syndrome which was a huge shock. My partner and I are not coping well at all with the diagnosis. The night I came home from the hospital my partner blamed me for basically ruining our lives because I didn’t have the test for down syndrome and could have avoided all of this and had an abortion.
I feel like we will never be happy again. I can’t bond with my son after my partners reaction and I don’t know what to do. We are considering adoption because we are sure we will not core as a family and I’m 100% sure I will end up a single Mum and my life will be hard and a struggle and I’ll resent my son and daughter will be miserable.
After trading all these posts it convinces me even more that we won’t cope. Heart break is the only option for me no matter what path we choose.

I feel bad that I feel this way but some days I feel so overwhelmed with my daughter who has Down’s syndrome… She doesn’t drive me crazy on purpose and i try to keep that in mind.

I don’t know if this article is still open for comments but I just need to say I’m struggling. My son has a global developmental delay that places him as a 3 yr old but he is 6. He is also a big 6 yr old at 78 pounds and 4ft 3.5 inches. He has an array of developmental issues and health issues including uncontrollable epilepsy. He is very obstinate, strong willed and can turn aggressive quickly. He also has these drop seizures and I never know when one will happen. I also have a 12 yr old and I’m a single parent. So it’s just me, his father rarely assist or sees my son. I am so stressed and overwhelmed. I can’t take him to stores because he will run around or throw tantrums. He seems to break almost everything. There is so much that I can say but just know that I feel lost and defeated. I also can’t seem to find a support group because he is not autistic, doesn’t have Down’s syndrome, and there doesn’t seem to be a group for developmental delayed, epileptic, slight cp, speech delayed and hemiperses child. So I feel alone and just reaching out for an understanding ear.

Is this thread still open? Will anybody see my message? I am an out of work, single mom of two. My 7 year old son has severe ADHD, SPD, anxiety, speech issues and possibly more – waiting for further evaluation. I just had one of the worst days with my son. He attacked his older sister twice and I don’t know what to do. School is out for the summer. The lack of structure is crazy making for him. The lack of peer contact is equally distressing for him especially since sister has friends coming and going and inviting her swimming or for sleep-overs. He pretty much can’t regulate his own emotions which requires somebody else to do it for him. Guess who that would be? He can’t seem to maintain any kind of equilibrium without my constant presence. When I try to get housework done, he will play independently for a bit, but there is always fall-out emotionally later. Oh, did I mention I suffer from PTSD and depression due to childhood and marital abuse? My son’s aggression is, unfortunately, a trigger for my PTSD. All three of us see therapists. Gillian, you mention faith and prayer. Please pray for us. The church we attended before I got out only compounded the issue of abuse in our home by citing scripture regarding submission and male authority. As a result, God’s very word is a trigger for my PTSD, to my sorrow. Thank you