I think the best approach to helping someone with depression is love and kindness. People generally want to be helpful, and in reality may feel help-less. They don’t know what to say, so they say things like the above, meant to be helpful, but actually quite hurtful. I’d advise anyone, before they are tempted to say something to someone going through depression (or, really, any difficult situation) think to yourself before you speak “is it loving? is it kind?” And if you’ve never experienced real depression yourself, leave room for the possibility that you may not understand it. I am bipolar and have experienced both ends of the mood swing. When I’m feeling depressed, problem-solving from others is rarely of any help. What I do want is reassurance, love and understanding. In my state, I may not be able to believe any of it, but your belief in and love of me will lodge somewhere in my psyche, and eventually help, along with the love of others and the love of God (or whatever or whoever you believe in) to lift me out of it. God bless you Gillian and thanks as always for your willingness to speak and share.

I hink the sunshine thing is suggested by some because vit d deficiecy can truly show a difference in moods and depression. A good many people are deficient in vit D too, hubs is a np and tested a bunch an was awfully suprised, even more so up north or in areas where people have hard winters. I have seasonal affective disorder and sunshine make a huge difference to me. I also have 2 friends who have suffered from depression for many years. They both lie a few minutes in a tanning bed a few times a week all winter(in the summer they spend a little extra time outside). They swear by the mood difference. Anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there. HUGS 🙂

Excellent post Gillian! As someone who has struggled with depression most of my life I get tired of hearing the “you have so much to be thankful for” speech. I’ve also faced the argument that “Christians who have enough faith don’t need a prescription”. That one is painful. If I were diabetic would you tell me not to take insulin? Thanks for reminding everyone that depression isn’t a choice. Well said!

Oh my…I have to say first…I get it, boy, do I get it. Yet, I have to smile. Partly because it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. Partly because this has the feel of something I would like to say to people…the “sound” of it is so right on. And then I’m sad, because only on days of pain and weariness am I reduced to being this short and to the weary, worn out, angry point. If I suppose that this is true of you as well (this is the first time I’ve read your blog – found it posted on FB), then I’ve also got to suppose that when you wrote this you were weary, worn out, and angry. I’m so sorry you have to experience this pain and fatigue. What others can’t begin to know, in any way that has impact, is how self-disappointing it is for us, internally, to be unable to live up to our own ideas of what we’d like to be accomplishing, when it’s actually all we can do to get the minimal for survival accomplished. I’m, sadly, not a mom…so I can’t even imagine how much worse to be disappointed not only in not meeting my goals for myself but also those for my children. All I can offer by way of encouragement is that when I am most distressed at how little I am able to perform to what I know is my own considerable potential, God hears my cry and the answer has often been, “Has anything that really needed to get done not gotten done? Or is it only the things that you know would make you look good that you’re unhappy about not getting to? Do you trust Me for your true needs?”. And the answer is, of course, “Yes, Lord, I know You will provide all my needs. And You do. And, yes, it is mainly my pride that’s suffering and some very unBiblical worrying that’s giving me trouble.” If I understand the Bible, pride is something He doesn’t want to see in us and humility is something He cherishes in His children. Jesus’ description of Himself was ” I am meek and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29). So, my prayer for you is for His peace in your troubles and to, indeed, find rest unto your soul. And I guess I’ll take time now to thank Him for the very real provision He makes to each day as He shows me how easy it can be His particular way for me and to repent of worrying about tomorrow and on into the future. God uses broken people. Have you read Sheila Walsh’s book by that name? I found it helpful. God bless our brokenness.

Great post! It is good to be validated by some who recognize just what depression is.

Thanks for the practical, personal guidelines! You have the moral authority to write your heart on this and other issues related to special needs families! Thanks so much!

What you wrote can also be said for someone struggling with depression who doesn’t have children too.